The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
