the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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