You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
