he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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