dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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