Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
