Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize