life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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