you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
