Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
