apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
