and i looked up. we had an audience...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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