There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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