Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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