I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
