It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
