On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
