I bet he comes in French.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
