Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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