I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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