I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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