I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
