sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
