47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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