Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
is that a dick in a sweater?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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