u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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