I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
