Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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