Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Just puked most of my soul out..
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