Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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