1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize