just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
