I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize