I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
