Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
