This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
