I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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