a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
