What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
