What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
