good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
