she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
