apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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