It's Friday. Sex?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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