Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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