I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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