I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize