The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
