Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
