i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
