I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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