I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
