no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
