I don't usually arrange sex via text message
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
