Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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