I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
