he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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