i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
