he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
