I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
this will be a night to untag.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
