My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
