I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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