This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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