My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
