I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
