The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
